My Transformation

in the beginning

 Socks, sandals, and a mouth full of sugar. Paris, France.

Socks, sandals, and a mouth full of sugar. Paris, France.

I had what I would consider to be a pretty conventional Canadian childhood. We ate “healthy” according to the trusted food pyramid (dear lord), which was basically fruits, vegetables, whole grains, milk, eggs, and meat. Despite a genuinely healthy foundation, there was lots of fruit juice, lots of bread and cereal, lots of dairy, and way too much refined sugar. I was very active growing up, and very thin- which I wholeheartedly took advantage of when I began buying my own food (lunch, snacks, etc) in high school. I ate all the junk, I’m talking McDonald's sometimes twice a day, cookies, ice cream, pizza, candy, crappy chocolate, and of course with high school came the alcohol. Despite assaulting my body with more junk than a human should be exposed to in an entire lifetime, I remained thin as a rake, and so the drive to understand health/ nutrition was non-existent. I was quite literally having my cake and eating it too.

 

 University, in a nutshell. (Yes, this is me...I graduated, I swear).

University, in a nutshell. (Yes, this is me...I graduated, I swear).

After high school I went straight into University in Montréal, and a 4 year double major in Political Science and International Development Studies at McGill was basically synonymous with a 4 year bender. I’m talking degeneracy on a whole new level. Of course there was the first-year meal plan (aka how many different ways can we feed you refined carbs and cheese), and then the insane boozing, partying, clubs, raves, party drugs, no sleep, hangovers, study drugs, more alcohol, more junk food. For the first time, my body was responding to an unhealthy lifestyle. Not only was I being a total degenerate, but I was no longer hyper-active like I was in high school. I decided to start working out at the University gym, which was probably the first time I actively took a step in the direction of health. Inspired by some guy friends that lifted weights, and always drawn aesthetically to strong, lean women- I started lifting weights and really exploring that whole world of “body building” style exercise. Following fitness models on Instagram quickly highlighted the importance that meal prepping and nutrition had in the fitness equation... I was totally hooked. At first I knew legitimately NOTHING about eating well. A now good friend that I met while he was working at a supplement store reminds me every so often that one of the first things I asked him was if a banana was a carb. Safe to say I definitely #startedatthebottom. Following his advice, I bought and devoured Tim Ferriss’ book “The 4 Hour Body,” which got me even more into weight lifting, and using myself as a human guinea pig. At the time, a lot of my understanding of nutrition revolved around the concept of macro-nutrients (protein/ fat/ carb ratios), and Tim Ferriss' book also developed my (terribly toxic) habit of “cheat days”. My lifestyle at this point was extreme in both directions: I ate “clean” 6 days a week, exercised pretty much every day, but would still party hard and have one day (usually Sunday) where I absolutely fucking destroyed my body with junk food. This routine continued for most of university, with enough success considering my goals at the time we’re pretty much vanity driven. I was lean, fairly strong, and happy with my body aesthetically, yet still managed to eat pizza and junk regularly (cheat days), and partied harder than ever- I just made sure to sweat it out the next day.

 

It Starts With Food

A shift happened the summer before going into my last year of university when I broke my knee and was bed-ridden for 6 weeks. During this time I was completely immobile, and by some divine intervention I picked up a book called “The End of Overeating: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite” by David A. Kessler. Sweet Jesus, it was like I took a peak under the curtain and saw the little Wizard of Oz man sitting there with his mighty microphone. The book spoke of the food industry’s tricks for hooking us with highly-processed, nutrient-void foods. I was mind-blown, and realized that it had nothing to do with “will power,” and that we were being straight-up manipulated. In the year following, I continued to read (books like “Whole: Rethinking the Science of Nutrition” by T. Colin Campbell, and “It Starts With Food” by Dallas & Melissa Hartwig) and my passion and understanding of nutrition began to skyrocket. The more I understood the importance of a whole food diet, the less appealing drugs and alcohol became, because I began realizing that everything I put inside of me was a form of information; literally programming the human that I am becoming. Cheat days started becoming less-common, and I started following people like Deliciously Ella and other women in the health and wellness industry that were focusing on the nutrients in food. I began to shift my limited understanding of food as macronutrients, to that of micronutrients and real nutrition.

Don’t get me wrong, my lifestyle at this point was still deeply troubling in retrospect. I was making strides to eat better, but there was still (albeit less common) the all night liquor-fuelled benders, hung-over binges on junk food, and fuck loads of caffeine. I think it’s also important to note that my relationship with food, drugs, and alcohol was never one of addiction. I had as healthy a relationship as one could possibly have with such toxic behaviours, in that my sole purpose for engaging in them is that I enjoyed them. I was having fun, I was never escaping or drowning out deep repressed emotions or trauma. Which is why I find that as university came to an end, my partying and relationship with alcohol, drugs, and all the bad stuff started to fade away.

 

Nicaragua & and a shift in my purpose

 Nicaragua, 2010. With the UN World Food Programme. 2010.

Nicaragua, 2010. With the UN World Food Programme. 2010.

During university, I had the opportunity to work in Nicaragua for the United Nations World Food Programme, a total dream opportunity for a student of political science and international development studies. This was legitimately a dream job, I wanted to save the world… and yet I came home with a bit of a rude awakening that I felt extremely unfulfilled with the experience. As I grew up during those 4 years away from home I realized that the world does not need saving, and the very beginning of my understanding that to change the world you have to change yourself started to settle in. My newfound passion for fitness and nutrition gave me fulfillment like I couldn't imagine. I began working in gyms, soaking in the latest exercise science wisdom from my personal training friends, and was so drawn to the world of self-improvement. If I could help inspire people to be better, healthier versions of themselves, the positive effect would ripple across the globe. 

 

Island life & PCOS

 Playing with the Lemur's on Necker Island, in 2013. 

Playing with the Lemur's on Necker Island, in 2013. 

A graduation present 10-day vacation to the British Virgin Islands turned into 6 month long island adventure; which further extended itself when I later had the incredible opportunity to return to the BVI’s to work for Richard Branson on his private islands. There went nearly 2 years of my life that felt like a total dream: living and working in the Caribbean, in the sunshine, swimming in the ocean every day. True medicine. It was during this time that I read Ekhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now,” which I distinctively remember made me aware that there was a past, a present, and a future. It’s not like I didn’t innately already know that, but I had never truly thought about it until that point. I definitely unlocked a door into my spiritual journey with that book, and saw a new perspective of my life that could never be un-know.

During this time, I was pretty damn "healthy" (considering my understanding of health at the time). I was still occasionally drinking alcohol, and indulging in the occasional junk, but started making the shift to eating organic meat, and using all-natural body products. It was at some point in these 2 years that I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. PCOS is a metabolic syndrome that is heaps fucking complicated to explain because it has many different potential causes and symptoms, but fundamentally causes hormonal imbalances. For me, it came to light because I had had irregular menstrual cycles from the time I stopped taking hormonal birth control (part-way through university). A quick trip to the doctor and an ultrasound later, the PCOS was diagnosed, and since I had no other symptoms or issues relating to the diagnosis- my doctor just said to "keep being healthy" and that I might have trouble conceiving a child down the line. It left a lump in my throat but I didn't know what to make of it, so I just kept living.

 

Australia

A friend, who I became extremely close with while working for the Branson’s, and I planned to meet in Australia. I was back in Canada at this point, and planned to meet her in Sydney for a few weeks, and then continue on my own in Aus for what I thought would be 3 months of backpacking. Up until this point I had been a total tumbleweed, travelling around the world but never feeling like I wanted to settle down anywhere. I had absolutely no expectations regarding Australia, honestly I barely even Google’d the place; but on my second day in Sydney (before even making my way to the ocean) I knew I wanted to live there. I couldn’t believe what had overcome me, a feeling of being home.

 

Taking Back My Power

 The 12 Apostles along the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, Australia. 2016.

The 12 Apostles along the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, Australia. 2016.

The following 2.5 years in Australia completely changed my life, in ways I don’t even know how to put into words. I was managing a health store, and magical beings started flooding into my life. Living in Sydney, everyone I crossed paths with seemed to be at the forefront of health and fitness industry. People were healthier here. I became a voracious reader and podcast listener, and things just continued to spiral upwards. I befriended people at farmer's markets, at organic stores, at gyms, on the beach. I totally dropped off drinking and partying, and was surrounded by happy, healthy people that pushed me to be a better version of myself. I read about detoxing and started doing them, first juice cleansing, and with each cleanse I began feeling better and better. I stopped consuming processed food all together, began eating 100% organic, and stopped drinking tap water. My relationship with my body completely transformed. When I was younger, vanity drove my decisions; I wanted to look good, and I was able to do that and still treat my Body like shit. Now, I wanted to thrive. I wanted to FEEL good. I started taking care of my body as if I was taking care of my own child. I developed a sense of respect for myself, and simultaneously began taking the journey inwards to explore my mind, and my Soul. 

 

 Time alone in nature = my favourite thing ever. This is solo hiking the Waihe'e Ridge on Maui, Hawaii. 2017.

Time alone in nature = my favourite thing ever. This is solo hiking the Waihe'e Ridge on Maui, Hawaii. 2017.

I started spending much more time alone. I explored meditation, sun gazing, and mindfulness. I incessantly listened to podcasts and read books that blew my mind open to the realm of the metaphysical. I stopped watching TV or reading the news. I stopped following anything related to celebrities/ Hollywood. I started seeing an Ayurvedic doctor, and a hollistic dentist. I spent all my free time in nature. I became attune to the lunar cycle, to setting intentions, and took complete ownership of creating the life I wanted to live. I realized how much our society disempowers the individual, from the time we’re born in hospitals and vaccinated we are taught that the world is not safe. We’re told we need doctors to protect us from illness, and police officers to protect us from one another. We’re told to obey, to stay quiet, and not to ask questions. I started questioning everything.

 

My inclination to question things is deep rooted. I was definitely a trouble maker in primary school, always getting sent to the principle’s office. In retrospect, most of the chaos I created was questioning authority and pushing the boundaries of the robotic and deeply oppressive institution that is the conventional schooling system. And for that I’m pretty damn proud of my younger Self. Despite not being raised religious, I went to Catholic school- because it was the only option for french schooling in my area. In second grade (we’re talking 7 years old) all my friends we’re going through the communion ceremony, and despite being the only not-baptized kid in my grade, I was offered to join. I didn’t believe in the fairy tale, so I declined. I think you get the idea that I’ve never really been one to mindlessly follow a the herd.
 

My mission became this notion of taking back my power: the idea that I was responsible for my existence. That all things were happening for me, not to me. This doesn’t mean running through flower fields manifesting happiness and abundance, it means using every single experience as a way to get to know myself, and to grow as a human Being. So quickly we blame others for how we feel, and for what happens to us. Taking back your power means owning the good and the bad, and real-eyes-ing that every “bad” situation is a launch pad for growth and transformation. It means letting go of what isn't serving your highest Good. Taking back your power means not living in fear. Fear of illness, fear of failure, fear of rejection, and ultimately fear of death. Our society preys on our fears and insecurities to keep us asleep and slaves to the system. The whole of modern day society is rooted in fear. And so we lock ourselves away in our homes, distrusting and disconnected, we fuel our loneliness with food-like-products, pharmaceutical drugs, and alcohol; we gossip to make ourselves feel better in relation to others, and we buy expensive things to fill the void of our meaningless existence. I choose not to live a life in fear, I choose to trust life, to trust my divine human intuition, and to live a life rooted in Love.

 

LOve

Love, albeit a word thats basically been beaten to death, drives all that I do. A True deep understanding of love, especially self-love, transformed the way I navigate my life. When you live from this place of love, you are infallible. When you relinquish your ego and use your heart as your guiding compass, you will never be lost. It sounds sappy but honestly it’s true. This fear-based society relies on an intrinsic self-hatred, that you’re not good enough, and that you never will be. The foundation for any true, sustainable, long term change is self-love. If I can inspire one thing in you, it would be to cultivate compassion for yourself, and develop a loving relationship with your higher Self and your inner-Being. It’s not an easy task, but I will do my best to inspire you along the way.

 

where i'm at today

I'll start by addressing the fact that the overhaul of my lifestyle completely "healed" my PCOS. I went from having my period once every 6 months, to being completely synched with the lunar cycle (*drop the mic*). It did not happen over night, but my understanding of what it means to be healthy evolved over the years, and transformed me into the thriving person that I am today. My medical doctor had set the bar of what it means to be "healthy" incredibly low; I didn't know it consciously at the time- but my body did. The conventional medical system bases health on survival, and compares you to the average human...  two statistics that are absolutely useless if you want more than a mediocre existence.

Today, I don't struggle with food cravings or temptations, I don't count calories or macro's. I sleep like a boss, and wake up energized with no caffeine. I feel alive. I've found a life of true balance, and most importantly: I love the person that I see in the mirror. My hope is that this website might fast track you through some of the learning curve that I went through. I am here to share the experiences and information that have profoundly transformed me, and the wisdom that has ensued and shaped my life. 

My own personal experience with PCOS, alongside my ever growing passion for helping people thrive, and the truly psychedelic experience that it is to be a woman (I mean, we're portals for life.. hello), led me to pursue a degree in Holistic Reproductive Health. This two-year post-grad studies with the Justisse College is fuelling my fire like never before. The degree (as a certified holistic reproductive health practitioner, "HRHP") is giving me the platform I've been looking for, a way to deeply connect with women. I realized that all the work I'm doing on my Self is a gift that I am cultivating for my future children. As a woman, my body is going to be a vessel for a human Being, and it is my duty to give this life every chance at thriving. I am here to heal my Self both physically and spiritually, and then give that opportunity to my future children. It's the purest way I can think of to save the world. My intention in the long run is to guide women as a pre-conception and pregnancy health coach, helping bring healthy happy babies onto the planet. 

 

Becoming Fully Human

 Living off-the-grid on an organic farm in Maui. 2017.

Living off-the-grid on an organic farm in Maui. 2017.

My life has pretty much always been an open book, and so sharing my knowledge on a platform like this comes naturally. Since realizing the power that inspirational beings have had on my journey, I have tried to be as vulnerable and honest in sharing my experience. I live my life passionately; fearlessly diving into experiences, saying yes to life. Wether it be a 10-day silent meditation retreat with no previous mediation experience, taking Ayahuasca with a shaman in the Australian bush, living off-the-grid in Maui, or refusing to take prescribed antibiotics for an infection and instead successfully healing myself with a self-prescribed herbal protocol... I’m done living in fear. 

My website is here to help inspire you to take back your power, to explore what it means to be human and to become the fullest version of your Self. To wake up to a world that is always working for you, supporting you. To take responsibility for how you feel, for what you think, for what you say, and for what you do. I am here to remind you to question everything, especially your own beliefs. And all the while not taking life too seriously... because at the end of the day we're all just meat puppets stuck to a big rock, flying through space.

This human life is truly a gift, and I hope my words inspire you in some way to walk the path towards becoming a full expression of yourself, towards becoming fully human.